no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he puts the penis in happiness.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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