Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
