The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
