Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(806): View more from Texas

How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?

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(806): How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her? http://tfl.nu/a3s8

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today

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(715): ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today http://tfl.nu/9i5r

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.

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(919): I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx. http://tfl.nu/hq1e

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(636): View more from Missouri

she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.

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(636): she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love. http://tfl.nu/j1yq

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(703): View more from Virginia

something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...

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(703): something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas... http://tfl.nu/emnc

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(641): View more from Iowa

Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

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(641): Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that. http://tfl.nu/2jzp

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.

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(828): Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying. http://tfl.nu/gcnz

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(972): View more from Texas

oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut

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(972): oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut http://tfl.nu/kqx7

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(301): View more from Maryland

It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.

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(301): It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have. http://tfl.nu/pc4d

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(360): View more from Washington

Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.

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(360): Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded. http://tfl.nu/tq2s

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(417): View more from Missouri

I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.

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(417): I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW. http://tfl.nu/qeni

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He sprained his penis one time

(603): View more from New Hampshire

He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis

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(603): He sprained his penis one time (603): He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis http://tfl.nu/1fye

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.

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(724): He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right. http://tfl.nu/6rqx

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting

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(580): This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting http://tfl.nu/ouax

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about

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(781): I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about http://tfl.nu/ocbn

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