oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout