I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.