It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
