He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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