I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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