If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize