Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
