and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
