Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
