If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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