my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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