Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
