You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
