i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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