Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
