He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize