they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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