How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
is it fun? or sober?
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