You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
