It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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