apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When are your genitals available?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
