Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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