I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
