I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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