mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
