he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
