You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
