the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
