Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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