it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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