She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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