we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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