how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
