I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
