I'd wear matching sweaters with you
its not stalking. its research.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
