Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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