and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
