You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
