your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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