I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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