Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im six kinds of drunk right now
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
