Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
