do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize