im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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