We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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