I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
