I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
