Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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