You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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