i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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