we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
