I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
