Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
