I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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