She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
